We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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