First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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