I don't think brook has ever known best
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
