im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
