I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
