I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
