Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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