I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize