And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
