Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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