My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need a beard to bite.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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