Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
