stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
