Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
