you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
