i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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