Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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