The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
