You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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