Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
