So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
