You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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