I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
