and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
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I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
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The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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