just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
