So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
