You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
