Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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