My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he puts the penis in happiness.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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