I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
