Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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