Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize