small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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