Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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