My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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