im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
