I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize