dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
