my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
