I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
