my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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