I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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