you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
