I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
