I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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