whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All the doctor said was why
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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