It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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