just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
home. puking in laundry basket.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
