Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
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I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.