Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(858): View more from California

I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.

Fav 26 2344 3201
share tweet
(956): View more from Texas

around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...

Fav 6 3319 1330
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(410): View more from Maryland

college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free

Fav 18 3478 1464
share tweet
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.

Fav 96 4603 1005
share tweet
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(732): View more from New Jersey

i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.

Fav 26 1495 8255
share tweet
(856): View more from New Jersey

So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.

Fav 4 3823 1146
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(203): View more from Connecticut

so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same

Fav 19 6413 1305
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(480): View more from Arizona

It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make

Fav 3 798 568
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(785): View more from Kansas

You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?

Fav 0 45 7
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT