So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
