did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dating After Heartbreak
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.