you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
