i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
