bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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