yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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