How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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