Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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