omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
