Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
