i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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