What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
