I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It was confusing and full of hummus
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
