I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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