Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
