yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
