i just wanna soil my oats bro
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
