Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
