And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
