Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
