i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
