Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
