He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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