dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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