I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
