so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
