Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
